How do I feel more comfortable with a new sex partner?

First, I'd like to thank you for this service! It's been so informative to read the advice you've given others. I'm a female grad student and have just gotten into a relationship for the first time. I have a few questions regarding oral sex: my boyfriend loves to suck my nipples and I feel great when he's doing it, but after a while, my nipples start to feel tender and actually hurt sometimes... is this normal? He's not rough when he's doing it, so I'm not sure why this happens.

Also, when my boyfriend "goes down" on me, I worry about what he thinks of my smell and taste. He says he likes it, but I can't be sure... is there some way of finding out if my scent is normal? Can he pass any infections (to my vagina) from his saliva? (He has had only 1 one-night stand affair and he used a condom that time).

Also, I masturbate him (I stroke his penis) until he "comes," but I'm afraid of tasting his "come." He hasn't asked me to, but I think he would like it if I did... how can I overcome this inhibition? Are there any risks for me? I appreciate any help/advice... Thanks a lot!


Am I the right BMI and weight for my height?

1) A friend and I were discussing this. We both try to stay healthy by eating well (high fiber, low fat, lots of veggies, fruit, etc.) and living an active enough lifestyle (hiking, rock climbing, biking, etc.) that we stay in shape. The question we have, then, is what the current "rules" are for appropriate weight/height ratios? Or are such measurements now thrown out in favor of body fat percentage measurements? She's 5'1" and I'm 6'1" and we're curious what the medical rule of thumb would be for how much each of us "should" weigh...mostly because we're wondering if it takes into account things like muscle mass. What would the current medical/health industry recommend each of us weigh? Are these numbers accepted or are they seen as not as important as they might have been 20 years ago. If you have actual numbers, we'd be curious to see that too. Thanks! I have a dinner riding on this!

2) Could you clarify the Body Mass Index deal? According to one BMI chart, I am "slightly overweight" because I am 5' 5-1/2" tall and weigh 160 lb. I am also very muscular and have a large frame. The lower BMI readings are labeled "ideal," but I've heard muscle weighs more than fat, so if the chart does not include the muscle factor, is it basically saying that it's "ideal" NOT to have extra muscle? I look slender and have never been told by a doctor to lose weight. I'm a twenty-four-year-old female, lacto-ovo-vegetarian, and get lots of exercise, including walking and frequent "sweaty" workouts.


Should I be concerned about BPA from hard plastic water bottles?

I use Nalgene bottles for about 75 percent of the water I drink each day. Therefore, I was startled to find out that there is some possibility that these bottles leach chemicals into the water. I've found conflicting opinions about the veracity of these claims on the Internet. What's the truth? Should I dump my Nalgene for glass? You have an earlier post about bottled water, but it doesn't seem to address this issue specifically, and you recommend purchasing reusable bottles like the ones that might be poisoning me. The bottles I use have #7 on the bottom in the recycle symbol.


Does sweating release toxins?

After practicing yoga in normal temperatures for years, I recently attended a heated yoga class (heated quite hot: 95 to 100 degrees!). The experience left me dizzy, nauseous, and completely enervated. Afterwards, I expressed my concern to the teacher, asking why the studio needed to be so hot. She "explained" that by sweating, supposedly the body releases "toxins" and that my nausea and dizziness must indicate that I need to "detox." Personally, I think I was suffering from heat exhaustion. I've heard this silly explanation more than once, as many people seem to believe toxins are released through sweat. But is that true??? And — next question — doesn't exerting oneself in extremely hot temperatures seem like a recipe for dehydration? Are their any benefits that make it worthwhile, or is all this heated yoga just nonsense?


Are overcooked pasta and beans still nutritious?

I know if I cook vegetables too long, they would lose nutrients. How about pasta and beans? Do they lose their carbohydrates and proteins and other nutrients in them if I cook too long? I always cook pasta and beans for over an hour because I like nice and soft and plumed pastas and beans. Am I eating zero nutritious pasta and beans?


How can we make it more equal when it comes to initiating sex?

I have been with my long term girlfriend for five years. I am seriously thinking about getting engaged.

Over the last three years she has taken control of our sex life. I have definitely become submissive in the bedroom. We don’t get into BDSM, but she always decides when, where, and how. She loves this control. While I have come to accept my submissive role, and I do certainly enjoy making love to her and pleasing her, I have asked her on many occasions for some variety. I would like to enter her sometimes and she has not performed oral sex on me for years. Granted, I am a bit under average in the endowment area and she always has a hard time reaching orgasm with straight intercourse. I have tried to talk to her, but she always shuts down the convo by making me admit that I love pleasuring her. Of course when we start fooling around I am so excited that I just follow her lead.

Honestly, I am very happy in every other aspect and I don't want to add any friction to the relationship. She is a very private person and doesn’t like to talk sex. Visiting a therapist is not an option as I have already subtly suggested it and been rebuffed. Should I be overly concerned? Should I continue to press the issue (although it doesn’t seem to be getting me anywhere) or just accept my role? Again, I do enjoy pleasing her and I usually get off. I guess I could be happy continuing this way and I don't want to lose her. I would love your thoughts.